It's been a while since my last post... Things are keeping pretty low key... nothing too exciting going on.

My parents and brother went up to our cabin in Farimont 2 weeks ago... that was a fun week for me. Went to Matt Johnsons Drumline party on the Saturday after Grandin's Camp... that was alot of fun... shooting pop cans with guns... playing some freakishly extreme ping-pong... and of course... Yahdice!! Not to mention that Matt makes a wicked Ceaser Salad! And then that Sunday was alot of fun too. Good weekend all together.

Then the Friday after that I had my party... that was alot of fun. Played Quarters for like... an hour and a half... oh man... then i went and jumped in the leaves with my Mormon friends in my front yard... hah that was so much fun!

Then last week was nothing special... went to moxies after band on Tuesday... a good time as always. Then Grandin on wednesday we found out about our tour...

So Grandin leaves on June 29th... meaning I'd miss Stampede's Hell Week... All of Stampede Week... and wouldn't be back until after Stampede left for tour. So really i have no idea what i'm going to do about the whole situation. I know I went with Stampede Last year... and this is my grade 12 year at Grandin... but this will be the 3rd time touring to Quebec in 4 years... and my second time to Halifax in 2 years. And in all honestey i'd rather go on a competing tour to a bunch of places around the states that I've never been before, than go to places i've been... see things i've allready seen and do things i've allready done... it just wouldn't be as exciting. But... who knows what will happen... we'll have to wait and see.

Had camp this weekend with Stampede. Now that there're only 3 tenors there's more than enough staff to go around... so it was quite productive... which is good considering the performance we have on Saturday.

Sunday was kinda rough for me though... Borak asked what count one of the notes in the cadence was on or something... and i had no idea... cause that kinda stuff... like... the theory and what not... I never learned. so he had to go through it and explain it all to me... he pretty much had to dumb it down for me so i'd understand... and it kinda got me thinking... I mean... if i'm so into music... and I love it and do it as much as i do... shouldn't i allready know this stuff?? I don't understand how 32nd notes and 16th notes work... i just know how to play 'em... and usually how to read 'em. And i realized that this isn't good... so I should really learn. But yeah... so I wasn't very happy with myself on Sunday.

And now today is monday... i went shopping... got a new winter jacket (pink of course) and pants and a bunch of other stuff... It was super. I might be getting a job too... but we'll just have to see about that...

The whole point of this post was simply to mention Ian Hale who made a point of me not mentioning him in my Blog... and now i'm realizing how much i've blabbed about... so Ian Hale... I really don't know what to say about you... just... just Stave It Off...

So tonight was Grandins Post Party... It was alot of fun! We had a potluck dinner (my mom made her Chicken Fried Rice just for Alliey, hah) And we watched our show from Fanfare, did the Zoo Awards (I got runner up Mrs.Arrogant... whatever. And Mike got Runner Up Mr Arrogant) And then we watched the slide show (major props to jess, hilary, and kathryn on that... it was wicked!) And then we went to Pats house for Post Post. It was so much fun! I judt got home, and decided to write about it! It's really nice house too. I smoked a wicked good cigar with Mike, and had my fair share to drink of course. It was nice to just see everyone again... catch up with people sort of thing. I talked with a few people that I hadn't talked to in the past, about Stampede, cause they're in it now. And they all claim to really enjoy it. They say that they learn so much more in one night at Stampede than they do in like, a week or 2 at Grandin. So they all really enjoy it, which is great! A few people I found out, are hoping to join Stampede once they graduate too, which i think is wicked. It'll be so much fun!

So all in all, tonight was an awesome night. I saw Chad MacMahon tonight for the first time in a while, he wants me to join the Winter Drumline in Edmonton, which i really wanna do. But then I'll be in grandin, stampede, and the winterline... and that could possibly be a bit to much for me! Oh well... we'll see how things go. haha... we sat in his car after everything was over tonight, before post, and listened to Allegiances show... and I just wanted to say that in the Prelims recording... you guys sound soooo much better than you did at Fan Fare... it sounded awesome... so props to ya'll for that. I love it!

But i'm going to a baseball tournament at like, 7 in the morning tomorrow... so i'm gonna go to Bed. I hope ya'll are having as wicked of a weekend as I am! Ciao!

I'm finally getting back into the swing of things. School's started up again, and now Band it gearing up too.

I had my first Stampede rehersal tonight. I thought it went very well. For me anyway. It was great to see everyone... and for band to finally be started after a month and a half that seemed to take forever (from the band perspective). And it's nice to know that all the time I spent practicing was well worth it. I had all the warmups, even the split parts that we needed to know, learned and memorized. It was a wicked feeling playing it right the first time around. Not like last year when i was completley blindsided when i was thrown behind the tenors at the first camp.

But despite the warm fuzzies that I found myself feeling inside from playing well (for the first rehersal) I still feel upset. And I don't know why. And it's killing me.

It's not like it's the first time it's happened. I'm just finding it harder and harder to deal with everytime. I mean... sure there are things that have me quite worried, and stressed, but nothing that should be making me feel this crappy. And I don't like it one bit. I feel like I'm only making things worse for other people by being this upset. And try as I may to cover it up... I'm finding it harder and harder. I find myself searching for the happy, care-free me that I used to be, but it's no where to be found.

It's not a good way to start off the year. The first rehersal, and I had people asking me what's wrong. I don't want people to worry about me. I feel like I'm holding them back or something when they do.

I don't know what it is... I just... as lame as it sounds... i just feel so alone sometimes. Which shouldn't be... because I find myself constantly surrounding myself with people to avoid feeling that way. But it seems like the people I want to be around most... can't be, and aren't there when I want them too. It's so frusterating.

When i'm in this sort of mood... the smallest little remark could put me in tears... and then I feel, for lack of a better phrase, worthless and weak. I hate being so damn emotional all the time.

And I wish that i could express my feelings better... cause I know that talking about stuff, sharing feelings if you will, is a good thing, and can help... and there are definitley things that I should talk about...

I dunno... there's just so much on my mind right now...

The Josh Groban concert last night was amazing. He has such a beautiful voice... and is so good looking. Oh man. I had an awesome time!

My mom and I went to Earls for dinner before the concert, and when we were leaving we almost got hit by a bus. It was really scary.

And then on the way home, I was listening to Country 105 and I heard the cue to call for the winning weekend, so i figured what the hell and called in, and i got through on the first try... and then she was lieke "You're not gonna be caller 10" and I was. it was wicked, and i wont he new Alan Jackson CD. so that made me very happy.

My brother Joe bought a ferret, and brought it home today. It's the coolest thing i've ever seen. It's so much fun, and it's so cute. He dances and stuff. it's wicked.

My other brother, Tom, is moving home in about a month... i'm quite excited. I haevn't seen him in a while. Although we do tend to get along better when he's in Edmonton... i miss him!!

Pat came over yesterday and we practied for a while, I taught him 8s, and he's starting to get the hang of tenors i think...

This year is gonna be real good i think. I'm very much looking forward to it!!

So School is back in session... And I'm thinkin' it'll be a pretty good year. Well, this semester will be pretty sweet anyway. Alliey and I have the same semester. Religion with Morrison first term and Band second, then Math with McClintock (i'm scared), Spare, and Social with Patrician.

Post Party was last weekend... oh man it was so awesome! Everyone looked really good. It was alot of fun... Sean showed up at my house with a boquet of flowers when he picked me up, it was really sweet of him. When we got there, we talked to people for a while and then we had dinner. It was really tasty too... Roast Beef and vegetable and potatoes and stuff. Then they showed the video from fanfare, gave out the awards, and played the slideshow (which, might i add, was amazing). Then we went to Boraks for post post... Only Andrew Sean and I got mighty lost on the way there which kinda sucked... but once we finally showed up we had an awesome time.

Band starts on Tuesday... i'm looking forward to that. Pat it suppose to come over today so i can help him to learn the warmups... but i haven't talked to him for a few days so i dunno what's going on.

I'm Going to the Josh Groban concert tonight!!! My dad got my mom floor seats cause he went to Aerosmith, and she's taking me. Oh man I'm soooo excited. It's gonna be wicked awesome.

I don't care anymore.

I've come to realize that you don't care about this nearly as much as you make it seem like you do. So go ahead... believe what ever the hell it is that you want to believe, because I am the only one who actually knows what I did. If you're going to believe everything that you hear from other people, then there's nothing i can do about that. And i understand that you trust some people more than others, but just because you trust them doesn't mean that what they heard through the grapevine is true. Clearly if i'm trying to regain your trust (for what reason, i'm not too sure anymore) I'm not going to lie to you. It's not like you gave it much of a chance anyway.

I can't hide the way I feel about you anymore.
I can't hold the hurt inside, keep the pain out of my eyes anymore.
My tears no longer wait. My resistance 'aint that strong.
My mind keeps recreating a life with you alone.
And I'm tired of pretending I don't love you anymore.

Let me make one last apeal to show you how I feel about you.
Cause theres no one else, I swear, holds a candle anywhere next to you.
My heart can't take the beating, not having you to hold.
A small voice keeps repeating deep inside my soul.
It says I can't keep pretending I don't love you anymore.

I've got to take the chance, can't let it pass by
If I expect to get on with my life.

My tears no longers waiting, My resistance aint that strong.
My mind keeps recreating a life with you alone.
And I'm tired of pretending I don't love you anymore.

. . . . .

This sucks. I'm so effing Stupid. Ahh!! So many things going on right now... and none of them feel right... I dunno what's wrong with me. I always do this. I wish I could change the things I've done... but I can't. I'm sorry for putting you through this shit... you don't deserve it.

. . . . .

Post Party is on Staurday... I'm really looking forward to that. I bought my dress like, a month ago. It's like a pink slip, but not bright pink, with black lace stuff on top of it. It's pretty simple, but it's really cute. And it looks good on. And I have pink shoes and acesories and everything to go with it. It'll be alot of fun! Really nice to see everyone again too. Then post post is at Boraks house, so that'll be lots of fun too.

Speaking of seeing everyone... last Tuesday I went down to the grounds to pick up my drums and met the drumline for this year. Most of them were there. Got the book and Drums and what not... it was fun. Sean and I picked up some rifles too. hah. It's gonna be awesome having Pat in the line next year. So much fun. Perdeep was there too... he's a good guy. I think he's over being mad at me now. finally. which is good! I'm so excited for this year... lots of Yahdice to play. hah.

I had a party on Saturday. It was alot of fun. I'd say about 30 people showed up... not too shabby. Went in my hottub and what not... broke the cd player... oh well. It was fun though. I'm probably gonna have another one in october while my parents are at the cabin for a week. I'm looking forward to that week, that's for sure.

Well that's about all for now.

Hey Kids,

So nothing too exciting has been going on around here latley... quite boring actually. My guess is that it's because I'm not suppose to see my Grandin friends for a while now... I'm not going into any details on why cause it's too long of a story... but yeah... I've managed to see them pretty much every day still... by chance.

I went to the Lake with Tire Boy yesterday... it was sweet. I hadn't gone all year till then... which is the exact opposite from last year when we were there every day. lol.

Then I convinced my parents to let me go bowling with Tiny and Kathryn last night... it was fun... then we picked up Jord and met Rob... did a bunch of nothing for a while... then called it a night.

Tonight is a party at Shawns house... i dunno if i'll be allowed to go though... hopefully, but we'll see...

And tomorrow... oh boy am i looking forward to tomorrow. I'm going out with Taylor tomorrow night. I'm excited. It'll be interesting though to say the least... I dunno what to expect.

Oh and I Finally saw the Big Lebowski. Such an awesome movie. hahaha.

But I'm going to the lake with Tiny now... have a good day.

Deeper Than The Hollar - Randy Travis

Well I heard those City Singers,
Singing 'bout how they can love.
Deeper the oceans, higher than the starts above.
Well I come from the country, and I know I aint seen it all,
But I heard that oceans salty and the stars they sometimes fall.
And that would not do justice to the way I feel for you
So I had to sing a song about all the things I knew.

My love is deeper than the hollar,
Stronger than the river,
Higher than the pine trees growing all upon the hill.
My love is purer than the snowflakes, that fall in late December.
As honest as a robin on a spring time window sill,
And longer than the song of the whiper wind.

From the back roads, to the broadway shows,
With a million miles between.
Theres at least a million love songs, that people love to sing.
And every one is different, and everyone's the same
And this is just another way,
Of saying the same thing.

My Love is deeper than the hollar,
Stronger than the river
Higher than the pine trees growing tal upon the hill
My love is purer than the snowflakes, that fall in alte december
As honest as a robin on the spring time window sill,
And longer than the song of the whiper wind

My love is Deeper than the hollar,
Strong than the river,
Higher than the pine trees growing tall upon the hill.
My love is purer than the snowflakes, that fall in late December,
As Honest as a robin on the spring time window sill,
And longer than the song of the whiper wind.

So last night was a "solstice" at jords house. Not as many people as Slime Time, but much more fun in my opinion. Possible reasons for this could be, and most likley are, and i diddn't drink nearly as much at Slime Time as i did last night. Holy Shit. I've never had that much to drink before. For the record, I'm a really cheap drunk, and usually 2 coolers is plenty to get me good and drunk. last night i had 7 Kaluah Mudslides, about, 5 shots of rum, and 2 beers. And some coffee/rum thing that Jord and I made. I diddn't stop drinking till around 12 30 I think, at which point Jord, Paul and I decided to go for a walk. Most interesting walk I've ever been on.
 
Then I woke up today around 9 cause I had to go with my mom to get my nails done. Until today, I had never been hungover before. Not that I was that badly today, My head diddn't hurt at all, I just left like I was gonna puke all day. And sitting in a hot room where all you can smell is nail polish, and nail polish remover for an hour and a half really diddn't help... Then I went shopping, and got a bunch of stuff. 2 toe rings, 2 belly button rings, a bright pink skirt, a yellow tank top, a pink jacket, pink cow boy hat, a pink belt, a pink purse, a pink wallet, and a pair of sunglasses. I like pink.
 
Tonight Alex had a party (happy birthday) for her and Jamie (happy birthday). It was pretty fun. No drinking for me, that's for sure. but i still had a good time.
 
but i'm gonna get going now, hope things are well with all of you.